(Continued from last post.)

Science Geek (7:33:56 PM): fuck no, that'd make me a bigger douche

Science Geek (7:34:11 PM): im fully aware that this is my decision

Science Geek (7:34:17 PM): partially my*

Sushi (7:34:27 PM): Nope, it's pretty much fully your decision.

Sushi (7:34:31 PM): You already have my say in the matter.

Sushi (7:34:40 PM): I want to continue this, whatever the consequence may be on me.

Sushi (7:35:08 PM): Which kind of puts the pressure on you, now that I think about it...

Sushi (7:35:15 PM): O_o Um...sorry"

Sushi (7:35:17 PM): *?

Science Geek (7:35:24 PM): but i don't see how that can work, because every second we would spend doing something i would feel like i was lying to you

Science Geek (7:35:36 PM): wouldnt you feel that way?

Sushi (7:35:50 PM): You can't be lying to me if I'm fully aware of the situation, Science Geek.

Sushi (7:35:57 PM): Like, it is impossible by definition.

Science Geek (7:36:25 PM): yea, but i dont see how you can be ok with that

Sushi (7:36:57 PM): Look, for once I think Lauren has something right.

Sushi (7:37:04 PM): Get what you want.

Sushi (7:37:10 PM): I want this.

Sushi (7:37:37 PM): I want to see if this can possibly work.

Sushi (7:37:43 PM): And if it crashes and burns, it crashes and burns.

Science Geek (7:39:53 PM): blah

Science Geek (7:40:34 PM): in order for it to crash and burn it would need to be moving to begin with, and i don't see how i can do that

Sushi (7:40:43 PM): Okay, fine.

Science Geek (7:40:44 PM): im not sure if im capable of it

Sushi (7:40:49 PM): Stationarily exploding and burning.

Sushi (7:40:51 PM): Whatever.

Sushi (7:41:19 PM): The metaphor is not exactly the important part.

Science Geek (7:41:25 PM): but it worked with mine

Sushi (7:41:35 PM): Congrats to you.

Science Geek (7:42:13 PM): look at this from my perspective

Science Geek (7:42:24 PM): how can i walk away from this without looking like an absolute asshole?

Science Geek (7:42:29 PM): or feeling like one

Science Geek (7:42:55 PM): because, like you said, you can handle yourself

Sushi (7:43:31 PM): That...is something you'd have to work out with yourself.

Sushi (7:43:37 PM): Which means that...I guess I have my answer.

Science Geek (7:44:28 PM): don't jump to conclusions

Sushi (7:44:36 PM): I'm not.

Sushi (7:44:58 PM): Your question to me was 'how do I walk away without looking like an absolute asshole? or at least feeling like one"

Sushi (7:45:04 PM): Emphasis on 'how do I walk away'

Science Geek (7:45:10 PM): nooo

Science Geek (7:45:13 PM): from this situation

Science Geek (7:45:20 PM): not the relationship, wow no

Science Geek (7:45:30 PM): and by walk away i mean "conclude"

Science Geek (7:45:36 PM): bad phrasing

Sushi (7:45:47 PM): Well then...the fact remains that it's something you'd have to work out for yourself.

Sushi (7:45:55 PM): Except that...you're not an asshole if I want this, Science Geek.

Sushi (7:46:00 PM): You're not an asshole if I'm asking you to do this.

Sushi (7:47:05 PM): God, you're honsetly the last person I could ever even CONSIDER labling an asshole.

Science Geek (7:47:36 PM): ok

Science Geek (7:49:08 PM): i dont see how i can pretend

Sushi (7:49:39 PM): I don't consider it pretending if you're trying.

Sushi (7:50:37 PM): You're the one who told me that it's working for what it is.

Sushi (7:50:57 PM): Which is to say, you having enough of a semblence of interest in me to try.

Science Geek (7:52:03 PM): if you want the truth, i think a better description would be that ive been trying to convince myself i was interested because i know that i should be interested and that i have been interested

Sushi (7:52:34 PM): See, this is where that whole brutal honesty thing might come in.

Science Geek (7:52:48 PM): is that not brutally honest?

Sushi (7:52:57 PM): It is

Sushi (7:53:02 PM): But it would've been useful yesterday.

Science Geek (7:53:28 PM): i needed to think

Sushi (7:54:22 PM): So am I jumping to conclusions if I consider that my answer?

Sushi (7:54:27 PM): Or is this another thing I'm misinterpreting.

Science Geek (7:56:07 PM): you might hate me for this now, but i think you'll end up realizing that it's the right thing for me to do, so i have to say yes

Sushi (7:56:23 PM): ...Okay.

Sushi (7:56:51 PM): I actually have to eat dinner now, and like honestly not like "I'm trying to run away from this conversation so I can be an emobasket and kill myself" or something.

Sushi (7:56:54 PM): But for the record?

Sushi (7:56:56 PM): I don't hate you.

Science Geek (7:57:11 PM): please don't, i want to talk more later

Science Geek (7:57:14 PM): enjoy food

Sushi (7:58:09 PM): (Hey, here's an idea: Maybe now we can talk like we used to for the first time in FOUR FUCKING MONTHS.)

Sushi (7:58:10 PM): Eating now.

Sushi (8:12:27 PM): On the bright side of this evening

Sushi (8:12:40 PM): Pollo Loco managed to not give us charcoal briquettes instead of chicken tonight.

Sushi (8:12:45 PM): Which is a pleasant surprise.

Science Geek (8:12:49 PM): ...

Science Geek (8:13:07 PM): im going to like to imagine that you arent basing that statement off of real events...

Sushi (8:13:59 PM): Well, fine.

Sushi (8:14:15 PM): Not give us chicken resembling/tasting like charcoal briquettes instead of real, well cooked chicken.

Sushi (8:14:16 PM): Better?

Science Geek (8:14:47 PM): ah, phew, well better cooked to a crisp than left raw

Science Geek (8:14:53 PM): salmonella isnt good for business

Sushi (8:15:03 PM): Neither is ash poisoning.

Sushi (8:15:15 PM): ...Which...is probably scientifically incorrect in every way.

Sushi (8:15:21 PM): But I'm a little beyond giving a fuck right now.

Science Geek (8:15:49 PM): if ive never heard of it...

Science Geek (8:15:56 PM): jk, who knows

Science Geek (8:16:02 PM): you ok?

Sushi (8:16:10 PM): Hmm.

Sushi (8:16:12 PM): Define okay.

Science Geek (8:16:19 PM): going to be ok*

Sushi (8:16:25 PM): Haha

Sushi (8:16:28 PM): You know I'll be fine.

Sushi (8:16:33 PM): As callous and uncaring as that sounds.

Science Geek (8:16:43 PM): look

Science Geek (8:16:50 PM): try to understand

Sushi (8:16:55 PM): Science Geek

Sushi (8:17:00 PM): You don't need to explain this to me.

Sushi (8:17:15 PM): Contrary to popular belief, I am NOT

Sushi (8:17:17 PM): A. Retarded

Sushi (8:17:19 PM): B. Unrealistic

Sushi (8:17:32 PM): Despite what my unicorn-related discussions might indicate.

Science Geek (8:17:41 PM): yes

Science Geek (8:17:45 PM): if you had said C. Sane

Science Geek (8:17:50 PM): i mightve had to dispute that

Sushi (8:17:56 PM): Osh.

Science Geek (8:17:58 PM):

Sushi (8:17:58 PM): *Psh

Sushi (8:17:59 PM): Lies.

Sushi (8:18:19 PM): Insanity and irrationality are my true callings in life.

Sushi (8:18:25 PM): As well as other words that start with 'i'

Sushi (8:18:29 PM): Such as...

Sushi (8:18:33 PM): Well, I ran out of I words, actually.

Sushi (8:18:38 PM): But it was a nice train of thought while it lasted.

Science Geek (8:20:04 PM): iguana

Sushi (8:20:09 PM): That.

Sushi (8:20:16 PM): Ironically

Sushi (8:20:19 PM): (OOH! Irony)

Sushi (8:20:27 PM): My friend Brittany calls me Iguana

Sushi (8:20:51 PM): Because of my inability (ooh! Inabilities!) to withstand any temperature below 50 degrees.

Sushi (8:21:25 PM): I call her penguin because I'm convinced she was born with down, making her impervious (hmm...no) to the cold.

Sushi (8:21:32 PM): I'm rambling, aren't I?

Science Geek (8:22:52 PM): down.........'s syndrome?

Sushi (8:23:10 PM): ..............................

Sushi (8:23:11 PM): Yes.

Sushi (8:23:13 PM): That, exactly.

Sushi (8:23:53 PM): Wow, I'm glad you're so good with science. That you were able to make those mental leaps from penguin to down syndrome and how it keeps you warm. Not everyone has that kind of intuition.

Science Geek (8:24:23 PM): ...

Science Geek (8:24:39 PM): i know, these connections, they come with time, experience, and general wisdom

Science Geek (8:24:44 PM): im actually 87

Sushi (8:25:02 PM): Yeah, I figured that out from the naps and the memory loss.

Sushi (8:25:30 PM): I'm sure the reason you wouldn't hold my hand was because you wanted to keep me from discovering your severe case of arthuritis.

Science Geek (8:25:58 PM): figured you wouldve broken a finger off

Sushi (8:26:05 PM): Yeah, that tends to get a bit risky.

Sushi (8:26:15 PM): .............Jesus Christ.

Sushi (8:26:29 PM): How is it that it's only when we break up that we're actually able to talk again?

Science Geek (8:26:47 PM): uh

Science Geek (8:26:53 PM): it takes the pressure off

Science Geek (8:27:03 PM): not that there was much pressure

Science Geek (8:27:06 PM): but you know what i mean

Sushi (8:27:13 PM): Haha, for you maybe.

Science Geek (8:27:26 PM): arg

Science Geek (8:27:33 PM): just because im talking

Science Geek (8:27:37 PM): doesnt mean i dont feel like shit

Sushi (8:27:53 PM): Hey, I'm glad we agree on something.

Science Geek (8:28:16 PM): gah

Science Geek (8:28:36 PM): i have to go attempt to do work

Science Geek (8:28:40 PM): not sure if ill be successful

Sushi (8:29:10 PM): Well, if anything, I take comfort in the fact that this situation is going to yield an interesting Folio entry.

Science Geek (8:31:29 PM): haha, oh man

Science Geek (8:31:32 PM): an anonymous one?

Sushi (8:32:16 PM): Anonymous entries aren't aloud.

Sushi (8:32:27 PM): Have some faith in me, science geek.

Sushi (8:32:43 PM): I know how to protect the innocent.

Science Geek (8:33:31 PM): i have faith

Science Geek (8:33:35 PM): i have to go get some work done

Sushi (8:33:48 PM): Don't let it kill you.

Sushi (8:33:54 PM): Last time I checked, you're still my friend.

Science Geek (8:34:03 PM): this is not changing

Science Geek (8:34:11 PM): ill talk to you later

Sushi (8:34:17 PM): Yeah, later.

Science Geek went away at 8:34:37 PM.
 
------

I didn't love him. I never thought I did. But I truly believed beyond a shadow of a doubt that there was room for the possibility that one day I could.

By the way, everyone should listen to this song I'm currently playing on repeat, if only because the name is sick (it's also a great song, but who cares about that these days?).
 

Drunk Pirate Edit: Wow, how fucked up do I need to be to spell 'allowed' wrong? I'm the literature content editor of an arts/literary magazine and a copy editor for the newspaper. That's just disgraceful. Smothering every bit of feeling or emotion in my body should not lead to shitty spelling and incorrect word usage. This would be a fail in the book of Sushi. Good game.